We all carry a quiet wish to be seen as someone who matters. It can be easy to forget that the same longing can be found in others. Those people who gravitate toward others are usually the ones who leave others feeling noticed and appreciated. It’s not difficult to be kind. It costs nothing, and barely takes any time or energy. The impact is only felt, though, if it is genuine kindness shared.
Once a person feels truly respected, their defenses ease, and they become more generous with their time, ideas, and trust. There is a trick to ensuring their generosity and investment in you continues, though. When they give a word of advice, or share an action that would benefit you, ensure that you act on it and report back to the person who gave that advice. If they hear that you attempted it, and especially hear how it worked wonders for you, then they will be more inclined to further invest in you because you have shown them that you are both taking notes and acting on them.
Name The Details - Generic compliments like "nice work" fade almost instantly, while precise ones linger. Watch for what people actually do: the extra hours they gave, the careful touch they added, the grace they showed under pressure. Begin with one small step in the right direction each day: spot a single specific thing someone did well and tell them exactly what impressed you. The sharper your observation, the more certain they'll be that you were truly paying attention.
Be Fully Present - Nothing makes someone feel smaller than a ‘listener’ whose mind is elsewhere. Set the phone aside, look at them, and let them finish speaking before you jump in. Follow up with a question that proves you took in what they said. This isn't about acting interested, since people can sense when your attention has drifted. It's about deciding to stay in the moment. Also, when you circle back to something they shared days ago, it tells them their words stuck with you.
State The Truth - Honesty is the foundation everything else stands on. Offer only the appreciation you actually feel, and if nothing genuine comes to mind right now, wait until it does (it is pretty rare that there isn’t something to appreciate about someone). Look for real strengths worth acknowledging, like their dedication, generosity, or resilience. When your words line up with what you honestly believe, they carry real weight. People will hold on to how you made them feel long after the conversation is over.
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Till next time,
